EPISODE 5: INFERTILITY, MISCARRIAGE & ADOPTION AND THE LOGISTICS, CONVERSATIONS, AND EMOTIONS ALONG
Updated: Jan 19, 2020
Guest: Shannon is a Director of Residence Life at Westmont College, a Pastor, a wife, a mom, and a big-sister of mine. We talk about infertility, adoption, and pregnancy after loss.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the show:
"When the months turn into a year, you begin to panic. The way our culture talks about women and their 'child-bearing age' adds an extra pressure”.
"You start to blame one another….you have to be honest about misplaced emotion… I need to be gracious with myself and gracious with my partner."
" My advice to couples battling infertility has been don’t loose sight of your marriage. Do things that give life to you as a couple."
"Let’s continue to enjoy life together so that this narrative of infertility isn’t all consuming."
"It’s always my fault or something I’m doing. Versus the uncomfortable truth that people don’t want to sit with; infertility isn’t always because of something someone is doing. It’s a part of the fact that we live in a broken world and things that don’t go right with our bodies that we have no control over."
"Me having a glass of wine and me not being pregnant puts a lot of shame on me as a woman."
"I recognize that for certain women, to tell your story can be painful. But I find culturally that that gets placed on almost all women. Women are very diverse. For me as a woman, to not talk about it is not helpful."
"To act in society as if this is something that is not happening, or give space for women to acknowledge that ‘I’ve had a miscarriage and I need time off”…. For me, what’s not been helpful is that they want me to respond the way all women respond which is shame. if I’m telling you that I’ve miscarried, I’m open about it. its me claiming my story back. If I go back into the quiet about it."
"It's not that I think they don’t know how to respond to miscarriage; they don’t know how to respond to trauma."
"I didn’t ask you to fix my pain...Most of the time I just want people to listen well and lament with me. I don’t want you to push me, I want you to be with me."
"With every week that went by, I could exhale. With every ultrasound, I could exhale. "